Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize