I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish my penis had a tongue
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
