My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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