You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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