If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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