my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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