soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
