All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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