I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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