i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize