And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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