Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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