if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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