That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
