Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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