my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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