I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize