Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize