Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize