his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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