did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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