I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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