You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
