I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
