I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your penis caused this!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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