Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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