he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
