I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
