dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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