i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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