if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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