Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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