I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
