Plan B is the new Plan A
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
