We're facebook friends in real life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
