I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
