I want to make a zoo with you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
