I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize