he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
