My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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