we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize