Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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