I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You left your phone here
Wait...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
