Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
