Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
