Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
