I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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