Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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