People in love make me want to vomit
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
