how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
