I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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