Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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