In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
