I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
