Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
