first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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