I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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