I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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