So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
