i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
