i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
