I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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