Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
