Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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