bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
