the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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