weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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