direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize